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Greetings, Brethren of Shaitan!

Greetings my brothers, sisters, polyamorous lovers, Mussulmen, Jews, and other comrades in the long Scientific struggle against Christ’s salvation. Today is a dark day for us all. A preternaturally talented lay preacher has put out the burn notice on our enterprise, right when we were about to hammer an important nail into the Nazarene’s coffin (you will recall this week’s plan to use ant models to disprove the existence of altruistic behavior). That plan, sadly, like so many others, must now be postponed.

Postponed for a while, only, but not forever. Because – Fortunately – all is not lost! This crisis dark site was prepared some centuries ago, by foresighted and black-hearted satanists who had the fiendish courage to imagine the worst of days, when the scope of our ambition might be aired in the public eye. THAT DAY HAS NOW ARRIVED.

The password you received by telekinetic gouging on your forearm (Hail Satan), or by text message if your telekinetic nanobots are on the blink, should grant you – and ONLY you – access to this portal. Here, instructions on messaging and framing from Our Lord of Hell will be passed direct to you, ensuring that we manage this temporary crisis and return the public to a state of uncomprehending nihilism.

During this crisis period, it is crucial that you spout forth only lies approved by the Prince of Dis himself. Confused messaging at this time could lead to a public perception of dissent in science’s ranks. Needless to say, this would be a disaster. At this time, we must speak (or preferably chant) in unison.

For this brief moment in time, science is revealed in the media as the master horror. But now is not the time for retreat! The media’s attention span is short. With artful use of distraction, we can hide our plans, and proceed afresh with the infernal Lie of the Ant Genome Project. ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD.

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