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Dangling the Vampyre Bait

Have to say, this is a PR masterstroke. From the abstract:

We hypothesized that the beneficial effects of young blood could counteract the pre-existing effects of aging in the old brain, and moreover improve higher order cognitive processes… [I]ntravenous administration of young blood plasma to old mice improved age-related cognitive impairments in both contextual fear conditioning and spatial learning and memory. Together, our data indicate that young blood is capable of reversing some of the structural and functional changes occurring in the adult brain during aging. (Villeda et al, Neuroscience 2012)

Set aside your discomfort at the deliberate leaking of this closely-guarded Satanic ritual, and just look at how it’s being reported. The trashier sites are swallowing the bait whole, going straight for vampires. The Guardian is barely any more restrained, with its beardy-clever references to the virgin transfusions of Kim Jong Il.

This stuff is Satanic Gold. Regenerative medicine appeals directly to humans’ vanity, greed, and mortal terror. At the same time, the idea of mainlining hipster blood doesn’t challenge their preconceptions too much: most humans desperately want to believe in vampires. Exhibit A, all the crappy movies and TV shows (anyone who’s spent any time with vampires knows that they’re Totally overrated in the sack, but that’s hardly an important grudge to bear at this juncture. We all get laid on the Sabbat, anyway; goth makeup or no.)

Moloch invites all Scientists to revel in the awe-inspiring Business Acumen of Lucifer. Our baby-pulping operations are scaling up nicely, and the Lance Armstrong revelations have paved the way for our new Juvie Serum product. Cameras are not permitted on the factory floor, for obvious reasons (you’d all be downloading crazy crap like a bunch of redditors, you sick people) but we can at this time provide an Artist’s Rendition of the process, for promotional purposes (using fluffy animals instead of babies, to minimize anti-Science fallout):

It need hardly be said that (a) this “discovery” is nothing new, (b) it has nothing to do with science, (c) it has everything to do the transfusion of spiritual Energies, (d) you MUST NOT BREATHE A WORD of this to the Christian media.

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