The relentless Justice of the Italian courts, which previously sentenced Galileo to lifelong house arrest (for his brave Black Propaganda ops against God’s Ptolemaic Universe) and similarly threatened to expose our Disinformation Campaign of promising Vaccines against Murrain, has today condemned Six Geologists to Six years in Gaol for failing to report the Omens and Auspices of
Six Earthquakes. An Earthquake.
No-one predicts Earthquakes. Let me repeat that. No-one. Not even scientists claim to be able to do so with accuracy! (We could, of course, but it would be Most Unwise: the root cause of an earthquake is a bout of Self-Pleasuring by the Dark Prince of Hell, and He does not care to publicize those events in Advance, except to those on the Guest List.)
In any case, since failure to predict cataclysmic events is now a crime, all Scientists are advised to move to the far right of the ROC curve. Predict anything and everything that you can think of. False positives are your friend! Let these early Scientists be your guide:
Surely, this will satisfy even the Italian justice system. (Thanks to John Hancock for suggesting this plan of action.)